I am much obliged to you for posting and your input. Thank you.

I apologize because I have been typing many posts with how ever much text, messages and so on. Consequently, my thoughts are scattered across the pages in this thread. Moreover, I do not expect or ask anyone else to read how ever much of the posts in the thread. Consequently, please allow me to clarify my poor attempts at both typing my messages and for how I conveyed them.

To try and be explicit and least confusing, I will quote your words. I do not claim that she "'definitely' used me for money and was a manipulator." It is not with certainty that I say, claim or think anything because I accept and acknowledge that certainty is lacking (due to info that I possess and do not possess.) I am trying to come to terms with what happened, how what happened, the past, the present, my self, and other interrelated components of the history with me and her and even without her (such as now.)

Also, I will not allow I to be "vengeful" and/or "harbor anger." I might be obsessing. I both acknowledge and accept that I might be, although I would argue that I am extremely heartbroken, trying to come to terms with my life and the events therein and more. (Additionally, she left me with a cliffhanger of "I need to take a break from speaking with you" as for whatever she exactly meant and/or what was her specific feelings and perspectives, I am unaware.)

Indeed, this is one one of two people telling the story and history as you stated. I understand and acknowledge that there is (most likely) bias in both the messages that I type and how I convey them. With that said, much of the dialogues between me and my ex girlfriend were via text. Consequently, I literally retype what she told me such as why she dumped me (due to a failure in trust through abandonment and failure to be a decent person/boyfriend) and more examples.

I am also trying to not be bias because I am attempting to be honest and objective as I question, examine and understand the past, present, my behavior, my perspectives, her behavior, her perspectives and so on. I am trying to leave no "stone unturned" as I consciously try to come to terms with what ever this can be defined as. I acknowledge that I might be engaging in self-deception, self-denial and more, but I am consciously trying to not be so and do so.

(As for the money and the breakup, there is an indisputable correlation that she dumped me when she confirmed to herself that I no longer would pay; however, she adamantly claimed that money was no part in dumping me.)


I will also share another example between me and her. During our breakup right after the New Year in the beginning of January, we were still talking if and when she decided. From the UK, she called me (I was in the states) on Facebook Messenger on a Sunday and appeared affectionately and lovingly like she wanted to speak with me and so on. We talked as two people stereotypically do through chit chatting. After half an hour or so, she told me that she wanted dinner and to order from somewhere.

She then asked me to purchase dinner for her online and to be delivered to her. I told her that I would not pay, but that I would help select her dinner. So, we picked out the dinner together. When the next step was payment, she asked me to pay again, but I declined.

She then stopped behaving affectionately, lovingly and so on. She quickly said some "goodbyes" and stereotypical words in ending a phone call, then hung up. Subsequently, she texted on messenger to "stop bullsh*tting her" and that "she had had enough of it." Furthermore, she used the ignore feature on Facebook Messenger so that I could not reply to her at all (I was blocked on every other avenue of communication.)

The next day, she initiated communication with me and acted like nothing happened on her part. Moreover, she then asked me for help on a term paper, which is another story.


I am sorry for another long post.