peej, I know that children mean everything to a mother. I have two teenage sons. All throughout my childrearing, my ex-husband lied to them about me. they didn't know what to believe. Upon adulthood of my brother, sister and me, regardless of how devoted our parents had been, and the heartbreak, we as children caused our parents, they remained devoted to us. Still, my brother has been very unappreciative of what they have done for him.

I guess, my point to you is that as parents, we do the best we can. Many other influences in life affect our children's final perspective on life's results. They are adults now and we need to look at our own lives now that they are grown. They are now responsible for their own decisions and we have to continue on with a life of our own. Perhaps another youth somewhere might need some loving attention from you. We can do so much for many people and it doesn't have to be only those from our womb.

You have so much to give and so many others may need what you have to give. Life can be an amazing journey. You can decide where you wish to go with this. I hope you can fin some answers that will show you how much you can still live for and contribute.