Blubbrabbel, You said in your original post that you were insecure and still are. And that you are terrified of disappointing your boyfriend (it sounds like, put him on a pedestal). Anyway, my opinion is that your guy is very insecure himself and NOT treating you well, and I like and agree with a lot of the things that people here are saying. I'm just wondering, do you want to leave him? It sounds like even if you do, you might struggle emotionally, due to where you are emotionally now (feeling badly about yourself, and like he is the best boyfriend you've ever had). I would love to see you find a way to feel better about yourself without him. He is bringing you down.