So... usually when I hear about something - a shooting, natural disaster, etc - my first thoughts are that it is as horrible and traumatic as possible. It is almost like being bored with news, but on a huge level, and for those moments, I just feel so hateful and cold. Usually either that they deserve to suffer or I just don't care and want to be entertained.

I am hesitant about sharing these thoughts with my doctors. There isn't an impulse to actually harm anyone or myself, just... wishing for something to happen.

The empathy does take over after a moment, but that just makes me feel far worse about myself for having to correct those thoughts in the first place.

I've been on meds for so long that I am not sure what these thoughts would be not medicated. I fear that the empathy would never clamp down.