So much to respond to here. This is like a spiral.

First of all, you aren’t awful or doomed or terrible. You are a good person, and I know this because I see you all over the place helping people.

Listen to your conscience? Not if you’re depressed because you’ll only think the worst.

My last therapist used to tell me that I was hurting myself with the words I used on myself. That’s what this reminds me of. Like the word awful. Describe a truly awful person. Someone who steals Christmas presents from homeless children. There’s an example of awful. That isn’t you.

All people have positive and negative aspects of their personality. Then there are people like us that aren’t always ourselves.. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You do the best you can. You take care of yourself. You’re trying.

As for love, I don’t know. I think there are different types of love. I don’t know what your referring to. Maybe think about love, trust, etc. when your feeling better.

How are you feeling? I know you’ve been struggling with meds and worrying about bad news.