Today has been pretty rough. I’ve posted about it in the check in but feel I need to write a post if for no other reason than to get it out of me.


I feel like a cornered animal. I am extremely anxious and feel like I could lose control at any moment. It’s been that way since the moment I woke up. Actually I went to bed like this. I stayed up late last night but slept straight through til my normal wake up time so I’m not thinking it’s mixed, just unbelievably severe anxiety. I can’t eat today; so far I’ve had a protein shake and half a tuna sandwich. My stomach is all messed up.


I feel like either something awful is going to happen OR I might be reliving the night I found my husband. I am not having visual flashbacks but the same feeling of doom and despair is there. I did have a couple of triggering workshops today. Very interesting but probably not the best things to have taken. I don’t know if this is triggering this horrible situation.


Like it’s so bad I’m considering going to the ER for this all consuming panic but I’m afraid they won’t do anything for me (all I want is a couple of benzos). Plus I don’t want to be exposed to the flu. I wish I knew my pdoc well enough to call her. She wouldn’t prescribe anything over the phone though, she’s only met me once. And she’s an addictions pdoc as well so I’m sure she doesn’t give out benzos lightly, if at all.


I did do a short meditation that helped slightly. Maybe if I can just make it home I can do several of them or a longer one.


I’m actually sitting outside my t’s office right now, I’ll see her In about 15 minutes. I usually feel much better after meeting with her so I hope she can help me this time.


Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it out, sorry to take up board space!