Does the anger show up when being rejected or ignored? I am talking about your own own perception here. This may not be actually happening but you still feel these things are happening. There also just seems to be some codependent behavior involved. I say this because this is where I was when much younger, closer to your age. No judgement here. I also am not a pdoc or tdoc. So I can be way off here. But who knows?

Please do not be hard on yourself like this. Do not feel ashamed. Being confused is not necessarily a bad place for you to be at the moment. As a result, you are questioning the reasons of your behavior, and open to other possibilities. This can bring you enlightenment with some help. JMHO