I feel like if I truly let this guy go I'll be alone forever. My car broke down again, I need my mom to give me a ride to pick it up if it ever gets done but she has pneumonia now and can't drive. So than I'll ask my brother, but if I'm on my own she hates helping me now no one would be there for me. I can't get to the doctor to get my blood levels checked, it's in a different county so the medical van needs 3 days and my appointment is every 2. I haven't made one and I have one tonight I'm hoping I can make. They' re calling me with how important it is but I don't have transportation. My mom is telling me how stupid I am to have a doctor in a different county, they moved their office and I liked the doctor.

I just have so much stress right now. I know the boyfriend or ex or whatever he is these days is a wash because he's in a pile of crap himself and can't dig out right now and getting depressed which he isn't treated for. My mom thinks I can do better, but I don't really know. I've been divorced 3 times, I'm mentally ill, I don't parent my own child. I have my own red flags that any normal man would run from. I was honest with this guy and he stuck around until mom made it impossible for me to see him. Now he's having 2nd thoughts. Yeah and I'm tied to my family. I don't want to be in a relationship with my mom for the rest of my life. I want a man.