You sound just like me. I've probably been bipolar my whole life. I went through 20+ years of self destruction that affected my marriage, my family, and my employment. I, too, used to chalk up my behavior to "just being me" or "being driven makes me successful". But I could never sustain the drive - I'd crash into a brick wall and then do something abnormal like trash my garage. Add in alcohol and drugs and I was very unpredictable and unstable for a long time. Then I threw a lawn chair at my mother and my dad encouraged me to get help.

There's nothing to be concerned about - for me, getting a diagnosis was freedom. Now I know where my focus needs to be. On me. And I build from here. I'm not much of a "things could be worse" kind of guy, but I do believe my life would be much worse if I didn't get help. I simply restructured, focused on things that bring me joy and make me better, and work at it every day. I struggle with awareness and sort of zombie my way through a few days here and there, but I know I have some challenges and I work at getting better. There's a humility to being BP that gives me some peace. I don't have to charge around anymore like a maniac. But I'm not quite done since I still have my moments.........the good news is if we fall, we can get back up quickly, unlike someone who might struggle with substance abuse. That's the "blessing" of BP, if you will.

One thing that absolutely works for me - I don't give a bleep what people think of me. I never really have, BP or not. Of course, I needed to make some changes like kicking booze and dope, but I take this approach because I refuse to be self-conscious about who I am. That will eat me up inside and I'll *never* reach the standard that other people independently set for me. I'm just me, no more no less.