Thanks for continuing to post, for your reply and empathy.

I did indeed "feel like I was being used," which was one of the main reasons for not renting an apartment (and much more.) I think that it was not just the "romantic relationship." I have thought much and been thinking about why I entertained the demand for an apartment and other interconnected topics and history.

I think that between being in love with her, being and/or feeling guilty (for how I was in London, our relationship ending, how it ended, leaving her and so on,) being and feeling responsible (for how I was in London, our relationship ending, how it ended, leaving her and so on,) wanting and willing to change the present, not wanting to give up (walk away and so on,) I entertained the demand. As I think that I mentioned in previous posts, I suppose that I felt trapped between the aforesaid feelings and perspectives and her behavior, using me and so forth. I did have strong feelings against the apartment, but I also simultaneously had feelings to be with her, that she maybe had feelings and loved me (still) and so forth.

I did not want to be used, abused and so on, yet I was in love, felt and/or as guilty, blamed myself, was responsible, wanting to change the present and her appearance in love with me (and so forth.) I was of the perspective that, maybe, through communication and interaction, change towards reconciliation might develop. If so, reconciliation would result.

In reply to your quote from Dr. Phil and your last sentence in your paragraph, I have been thinking about such topics and interlinked subjects before you mentioned them and since you mentioned them. I think that it is is almost like being brainwashed. I was so conditioned to accept the terms of interaction and communication with her that she dictated and controlled. Moreover, I allowed her to dictate, to control and more. In doing so, I accepted the conditions of interaction, communication and behavior. I am responsible for the aforesaid actions and hold myself accountable. I deeply regret and reflect on if I were to have "turned the tide" on her so to speak and said, "no" and stopped allowing her to be as she was in general and in dictating controlling both interaction and communication.


Much obliged for your post and input.

Yup, I don't disagree. She stopped pretending that she was using me after she dumped me. Moreover, her use and abuse increased in severity and became increasingly blatant (for me and to me.)