It's both. I've grown to hate what's made others misery because that's important too. I just now looked at myself in the mirror and thought that I should know this person better than I do. I need to think more before I act, but it does seem that actions are required much faster than I can think. Inaction is still an action.
I'm upset with myself for my past choices. I never should have done so many things that I did so repeatedly.
I can't wait until I can feel well enough to get back in the gym. At least there I'm only bothering me. But that's not true. I do talk to others. Maybe I should leave them alone there too?