((((freewill))))

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I understand how IRL there can be no one to help you. I used to wonder where everyone was and if I would ask for help, no one could for they were always busy. I felt in the way so much so that now, when someone cares, I feel worthless if I am not waiting on myself or constantly doing something.

I have to push a cart whenever I go to a store for I do not feel safe enough without a cart to add support. It is hard when you do not have a lot of strength. For so long I tried to hide that anything was wrong because I was suppose to be healed, that even now that it is okay to let myself be who I am, I find myself hiding a lot at times.

I hope you know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. If I were closer I would help you. What I can do is offer you my support and let you know I am always here for you. You are important to me and others here. And I agree with Pita--it is not your fault. There is always something that lies behind an eating disorder. I know, I have one also.

I know I do not talk much about it. It brings back too many terrible memories. Memories I have not talked about. But I know that eventually I will have to talk about and deal with. I just say that to say I understand.

I want you to know that I am here and that you can PM me anytime. I will try to do a better job of PMing you too. Know that I care and love you.

cami