Thanks fuzzy.

The worst part is I don't know if I am making this feelings up and so I should quiet them or I should be even more aware of them and didn't shut them up in order to stop my numbness because they are the real me.

Being a victim doesn't feel quite right, I worry it is something I make to seek attention (I am not saying who does this is an attention seeker). I feel comfortable blending in the background. And not being above or have it worst than most people.