[QUOTE=tevelygo;6029431]I had that period about feeling that way too, falling through the cracks. When I got to the lowest point was when I managed to have some valuable insights however. That I might not have got otherwise. And that gave me strength like never before. I hope you get somewhere too!

Unfortunately, the mental health system clearly doesn't have enough resources beyond those 20 mins. Don't take that personally.

As for friends and family: have you asked them directly for specific help? No one is a mind reader - again I don't think it's something to be taken personally. I did have to understand this for myself too.




Yes, I did inform friends and family members last year of my state-of-mind. One brother sent me an email and said I was self-absorbed and I should just go ahead and kill myself. He said he would never speak to me again.

That's my family.

The counselor I talked to did not seem to think I was in danger. Like I said in a previous post...because I bought a pair of hiking poles she said I was looking towards the future. I disagree. I buy all kinds of stuff to help me cope. At the time I was hiking and needed hiking poles. End of story. I could just as easily have used them to push myself off a cliff. (I am also afraid of mountain lions in my area and got the poles to wave around and make me look bigger if I encountered a cougar.)

I seriously think God must be keeping me alive. It seems like a lame thing to say...because I am a nothing sort of person right now...but I don't know his plan.

In this darkest hour my dependence on others is lessening while my spiritual strength is growing in a very small but, I guess, significant way.

I think I manage my emotions quite well. That might be the problem. No one seems to think I am danger...but I may very well be, really, in danger.