Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtree32
@Row Jimmy,
You sound so confident and clear about who you are. It's wonderful that you are at that point. I feel I have done things inside that at the time are justified, and then later on I regret them or feel horrible. I guess the one difference is that I DO care what others think. I lost my 3 closest friends. I know what I did was wrong. But apart of me is also hurt that none of them have reached out to say "dude wtf were you thinking", or "what's wrong with you", or anything like that. Not trying to say woe is me, but I have a big heart underneath all.of this mess. So if I **** up or do something bad, I feel I'm always held to a different standard then anybody else. I guess I'm having a hard time just understanding and coming to terms with all of it. I just know that if it was one of my friends, I would yes be angry, but also concerned and compassionate. I'm feeling very bad and self conscious. I just don't know if that's "normal" or not
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I left my old "friends" behind without any guilt. They don't live the life I want to lead so I moved on. They were bad for me so I went and forged my own path. I don't necessarily have a clear vision of myself, but I have an annoying quality of being able to compartmentalize most things in my life.
Consider this - things change but the past does not. You can move on.......I think we always give too much weight to what people think of us. We forget that they live complex lives just like us and their thoughts relative to us might only be a small fraction of their day. In other words, we're probably not as important as we think we are. And sometimes, their vision of friendship is different than ours. Sometimes, friends are just party buddies. Other times, we expect them to help us and they don't. I'm sure my old friends barely think of me these days.