Quote:
Originally Posted by velcro003
LT: I hope what I wrote you don't see as judging, because I am not.
I do think maybe that your T hasn't experienced this level of attachment so quickly before, and it has thrown him a bit. I also think that he seems to really think about what you tell him, and adjust accordingly. I do like him based on what you have said. It makes sense to me that your senses are heightened in a manner because of everything that has happened with MC. You are already hyper-aware of people's responses I feel, and may be extra heightened with this T right now.
Just my opinion, of course 
I also agree that you shouldn't feel ashamed for having these feelings, though I understand why you might. |
No, I don't see it as judging, but thanks for checking in about that. I think you're right that he's thrown by my attachment at this level this quickly. I mean, a couple weeks ago, while discussing attachment, he was like, "You've been seeing me what, 3 months?" And I said, "No, close to 5." And he asked how long I thought it took me to get attached to ex-T and MC. Which...was longer. At the time, I felt like he was judging me for getting attached so quickly. But when I asked about it later, he said they were two separate things. That he was just wondering how the attachment process with them had gone.
As you said, he does seem really responsive to feedback (unlike MC, who becomes Mr. Defensive). It's like he's really trying to understand what's going on with me, but maybe just...doesn't entirely get it. And I'm definitely hyperaware of people's responses, verbally, their body language, etc. It's part of the hypervigilance of anxiety and stuff that comes from childhood.
Thanks for saying I shouldn't be ashamed--I suspect if I tell T I feel that way, that he'll say he in no way meant to shame me--I know many of these feelings are coming from within instead of from him. I just keep thinking that when I talk to him about it, he's going to be thinking, "Oh God, she wants to talk about the relationship again...What did I do wrong this time?" Which...again, I need to talk to him about these feelings.