I honestly, honestly don't know what I want.

Sometimes I wish I could just go back into my bad habits. But they always made me feel physically bad...and now I am really dedicated to staying healthy. Bad habits hurt me physically and I don't want that.

I am sorry. I feel at my wit's end. I wish I could just take "time off" to figure things out...but my financial situation is in crisis. I couldn't even be hospitalized as I could not afford the medical bills. Also, I live alone...so no one would pay my bills, rent etc. I actually don't feel like I have the luxury to be mentally compromised...

but I am.