Quote:
Originally Posted by Xynesthesia
I personally don't mind if someone shares their past struggles with something like depression, anxiety or other mental health-related issues. What bothers me is when I see from the larger palette of their presentations and interactions with others that they lack professional discipline, are all over the map, passive aggressive, and don't walk their talk. These latter things were the case with my T. It is also very alarming if a T seems so hooked on all kinds of social media that it gives a vibe of an unhealthy dependence/addiction, and when they cannot handle challenge in professional ways and become mean or discard whatever does not fit their own projections and wishes. It also bothers me when they put low quality, superficial, highly repetitive things on the web as their creations and "insights". We are not talking about one professional website here but putting those poorly managed things all over the web. My other Ts professional pages are more on the opposite end of the spectrum: very polished and transmit a vibe of a certain elitism, but I personally identify with that much more than poorly designed and managed presentation. I guess there is a lot of my personal preferences in how I perceive them and what works for me. If you think, mona, that your T with her whole baggage still provides useful things to you, then probably it is not negative to continue seeing her if you can tolerate the "side effects". I think it can be also quite meaningful to ponder why we put up with certain negative things at a given time, what it says about us and our struggles. For example, I can now ask myself, how and why on Earth did I engage with that unprofessional guy at all, given the apparent standards I claim for myself? Obviously during a good chunk of the time when I was seeing him, I wasn't in a good place and did not have good discipline either so a lot of my criticisms at the time were rather hypocritical. On some level, I identified with his poor professionalism, at least unconsciously, but it is very clear now. Eventually quitting and being over with him was actually very meaningful for me, meaning personal growth and advancement in an active, productive way.
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I don’t like your ex t from what I am hearing. Sounds like he doesn’t practice what he preaches as you rightly pointed out. Has he done much of his own work because he is still very defensive when other people try to engage or challenge his views.
Somehow my t has been very good for me. I have learned so much about my relational patterns with others and especially in the here and now with her. We explore what happens when I shut down and try to support that when it happens again. T is far from perfect, she admits she has her flaws and that she working on a lot of her own processes such as trying not to control conversations. Which I remind her of when she interrupts.
I know it’s far from perfect therapy but for me that doesn’t exist because nobody is perfect, no t will ever be perfect. She is good enough for me.
She is owning her part in things a lot more and we are not as defensive with each other which helps when there is a misunderstanding.
I think in the past my t had tried to push me beyond my level of support but I have reinforced my boundaries and always tell her when she is going too far. We are both open to each other’s dynamics and this has been really helpful for me to stay and learn to express myself and not just leave with all of the hurt and pain to deal with alone. Also t has thought me to see how I am in relationship can sometimes evoke others to be in control more because I am so passive so I can see relationally that this has been extremely difficult to tolerate but so good for me in a lot of ways. I still think t tries to provoke me at times but that is her dynamic not mine and I can support myself enough to tell her I am not going there today.