My 13 year-old daughter has been stealing clothing from her sister who is three years older and hiding it. Often, she doesn't even wear the items. She turned down an offer to get a jacket in the store, then took the identical item from her sister’s closet. This has happened before, and the consequences have been that she must pay the item’s cost to her sister and return the item.

She had an Ipod, but with restrictions. We would take it away for several days if she did not meet her obligations (practicing piano, emptying the dishwasher) which are very few. We told her that she could not have it in her room at night after many, many compromises which did not work out. I finally took the Ipod away after she sneaked it from my room before the confiscation time was over. Today, I found her friend’s Ipod hidden in her room along with the computer that is supposed to remain outside her room.

I feel her behavior is not about having what she steals so much as filling some emptiness she feels. She sees other kids with expensive possessions and becomes envious. Brand names are important to her. We have told her that she can’t have an Apple phone until she is old enough to enter a contract and pay for it. She was offered a very nice phone identical to her sister’s and she turned it down because it was not an Iphone.

She is on a dance competition team, enjoys performing immensely. She does well in school for the most part, speaks French fluently in addition to English, plays piano; but in both dance and academics, she relies on what is easy and does not seek to excel if it takes too much effort. We encourage her to work at her talents, but don’t push her. She is well liked by her friends. Both she and her sister are adopted. I don’t know if that is relevant.