Quote:
Originally Posted by Row Jimmy
I left my old "friends" behind without any guilt. They don't live the life I want to lead so I moved on. They were bad for me so I went and forged my own path. I don't necessarily have a clear vision of myself, but I have an annoying quality of being able to compartmentalize most things in my life.
Consider this - things change but the past does not. You can move on.......I think we always give too much weight to what people think of us. We forget that they live complex lives just like us and their thoughts relative to us might only be a small fraction of their day. In other words, we're probably not as important as we think we are. And sometimes, their vision of friendship is different than ours. Sometimes, friends are just party buddies. Other times, we expect them to help us and they don't. I'm sure my old friends barely think of me these days.
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It's true.....I feel people loosing friends is natural and apart of life. I think my biggest thing is the guilt and shame I carry within my actions. It's more what they think of me then loosing them I'm really feeling. It's a painful process. I just don't want to run into any of them. They are this big group of people and I am, well alone. I am fortunate to have other friends which is great, but this was my main crew and some of them I have known for 20 years. I feel a huge diasconnect with them though, like none of them really ever understood me or knew me. Its strange. The people I am friends with now know me and love me for who Ivan now and don't judge me for things that may have happened 20,15,10,5 years ago.
I guess it's just something I have to go through. I think I have to work on forgivness for myself. It's rough. We are always harder on ourselves. I know when I come.down from a certain state, I look around me and people are often mad at me. And I don't understand why.