T has a good friend who teaches mindfulness. Yesterday he gave me a CD that his friend did-- it is a mindfulness body scan. T and I are talking about doing work to help me slow myself down rather than always getting caught up in my intense emotions, agitation, and anxiety. Hopefully mindfulness will help to reduce my SI.
I tried it today. It was horrible. I couldn't stand any of the body sensations that I felt when focusing on the particular body parts that the guy was talking about. When he said to focus on the top of the head and the forehead, I couldn't stand it, and ended up pulling my hair. The CD guy said that if you experienced any unpleasant sensations or emotions to just return to focusing on your breathing-- to make that a safe place. The breathing was driving me crazy, as it always has during panic and anxiety attacks-- I begin to feel as though I am "making" myself breathe and something feels "wrong" with my breathing. I felt like jumping out of my skin.
I know that this requires practice, but I don't even know if I wanna try it again. I didn't like any of the things it brought out.
|