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Originally Posted by amicus_curiae
Do we get better? I’m not certain. I think that we can go through long periods of being up and say, to ourselves, that we’re ‘getting better,’ and then a crisis occurs and we’re crashed and burning once again and no amount of tranquillisers can stay our fury.
My completely-not-DSM bipolar feelings tell me that I’m horrible at dealing with anything stressful and that which frightens me can send me into unreasonable bouts of depression or anger or a mixture of both.
You sound angry. I’m sorry and I hope that you won’t succumb to your anger without a fight. I don’t have any advise that would rise above the banal, just now. I wish that I was smarter. I wish that I could somehow communicate the exquisite empathy that I’m feeling. I’m just not that smart. I don’t do the virtual hugs, I don’t pray, but you seem like such a kind person that I can’t go without saying that I will write your name upon legal pad #976 and think of you.
***I was watching as you danced away***
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I am not sure how I missed your reply when I was answering all the responses, and I am really sorry for that!! It was totally unintentional!!
I know how hard it is, trust me, and yes I was very angry at the time, but like all waves of emotion we go through, it eventually passes, and brighter days are ahead. But you're absolutely right about the fact that when crisis occurs, no matter how "stable" we may feel, or how well the meds seem to be working, stressful situations can totally throw that all out the window in an utter flash! But fighting, and fighting, holding it together, even in the darkest of times, is all we can do. Giving up, for me, hasn't been an option in a very long time, because even though I crash and feel such lows, there is ALWAYS a better way, there is ALWAYS an option, we just have to OPEN our eyes and see it, and dammit, pick ourselves up and walk towards it.
I am sorry that you have been struggling with things, and you don't have to give virtual hugs, and you don't have to pray in order to be a kind, caring person. The fact that you took the time to write some words here and give me support, and even jot my name down on your legal pad there, is amazing, and I am unbelievably honored! Hang in there my friend, we are all in this bipolar mess together, we just have to hang on strong, and just get through another day. Minute by minute. Hour by hour.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
I've been going through a lot with my mom and her health, too. It's tough!
I had to stop in and give you another hug! 
(((((( LadyShadow ))))))
By the way, I read your blog and love it! Thanks for sharing!
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Awww, I am so sorry to hear that your mom has been having difficulties too. I will keep her in my prayers and I wish for her a speedy recovery. It is really hard isn't it?? To just watch someone you love, especially an elder, just fall apart in front of your eyes. Stay strong, and hold on! And thanks for stopping by and leaving some more hugs!!
Aww, thanks for reading my blog, I am so glad you enjoy it! I have been taking extra care in making it more relatable and honest, and I have enjoyed the wonderful feedback from people!! It really is a great thing to know that we aren't alone in this fight, not by a long shot!!
Take care!!
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Originally Posted by Pookyl
No worries. My dad has started having falls (and denying it). You’re right though - all we can do is be as supportive as we can be.
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I am really sorry about your dad. I know for a long time my dad was refusing to acknowledge his heart condition, and even though he went time and time again into the hospital, (a total of three heart attacks so far), he still drinks alcohol, and pushes himself farther than he should. All we can do is be as supportive as we can be, you're right. I do wish things improve with your dad though, and he becomes more vocal that he needs some help. Unfortunatley, pride does tend to get in the way with our elders, because they don't want to seem weak in front of their children. But hang in there!!
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Originally Posted by Cornucopia
Sorry to hear everything you have been struggling with 
I really hope things turn soon and that your mother gets better, and you get a more peaceful state of mind.
Seeing loved ones going through rough times are really hard, and it can take a toll on everyone- regardless of MI. With your own struggles- which our racing minds often are- it is double the trouble sometimes.
You seem to be handling everything really well, you are a strong person.
I wish you all the best, hope you get a weekend with more rest. Take care of yourself.
Big hug
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Thank you so much Cornucopia!! It is really tough to see loved ones go through hard times, and you're right, being bipolar ON TOP of all that stress, isn't helpful at all. I mean even people with out mental illness would have a hard time dealing with things like this.
But yes, I am doing really well, my mom is taking it easy and resting, and we are just holding on till next week's appointment. My strength is all I have really, because if I didn't fight the way I do, I would end up letting this bipolar conquer me, and honestly, I am SO tired of doing that, so I have to try to do something else.
It is helpful that the medication is helping the way it is, I honestly don't know what I wouild have done if I hadn't changed doctors recently.
Thanks again, and you have a great weekend yourself!!