I think the worst thing you can do is continue to do everything for her. Expect her to behave as an adult and get treatment for her issues. If she can't hold a job she would likely be eligible for benefits and health insurance through the state. Her illness means that she has to work harder than average to get things done, but that's what she has to do. I have PTSD and MDD but my daily routine cannot stop. Dishes and housework still need to be done and infact having that to do actually helps when things get activated. I always feel a bit better about myself if I can at least get the basics done. So tell her you recognize her problems but she is an adult and life doesn't stop especially with kids so she needs to be responsible for herself and the kids. I would also tell her that I was going out so she needs to be up to watch the kids and then follow through with it no matter what she says. Call it sanity time for you and your husband. Set some boundaries with her for your own well being and the long term well being of the kids. You have nothing to lose and everyone in the household will benefit. Even have some age appropriate expectations for the kids.