So yesterday kind of sucked. Come to find out that the afore mentioned sociopath is still trying to stir ***** up and bringing the woman I love to tears. Not being able to talk to me (I told her if she called me, texted me, spoke to me, or so much as made eye contact I would report it as harrasment and have her fired) she has been buggin the hell out of my friend. After other efforts failed she decided to tell my girlfriend that my friend said, 'she is a slut who dumped me so she could chase *** this summer'. A complete lie but someone in her delicate state is easily rocked. When I walked in I felt it. I can't take much more of this. This ***** is stressing her constantly and destroying me psychologically as well but I'll be damned if she knows it. I demanded that she be fired and I'm not joking, it's gonna be her or me no matter what else happens.

I did get to talk to her though. Basically, she is still very sick and taking a lot of medicine to stabilize her which is causing her a lot of problems. She's lethargic, confused, light headed, constant headaches, you get the picture. Plus her son still has a high fever. Her exact words, "I've been staying up all night watching him to make sure he doesn't stop breathing." Yep, it scares the %#@&#! of me too.

I talked to her some more today though. I couldn't help it, I saw her getting ready to leave and it was just such a rush. I had to tell her how beautiful she looked. Wow. I felt that I shouldn't say it but it got us to talking. I asked her how she felt about us. She told me she felt the same but that she just didn't have time for a relationship right now between taking care of herself and her Son. I asked her if she wanted to talk to me anymore. She said yeah and why don't I call her? I told her I didn't want to call while she was sleeping or taking care of her Son. She told me to call her tonight.

I'm still conflicted though. I can't turn my feelings for her off, I just don't work that way. I've supressed myself socially for about 2 years now and was scared to death to open up. I have now though and I just can't put my feelings back in the box that easily. No one seems to get that. Most of the people I interact with at work are the casual stand, meet at a bar and barely remember their name kind of people. I'm sure I'm as alien to them as they are to me. 'Just hit it and quit it', I'm sure is their view.

Someone actually said to me today that 'you just love to be miserable'. Yep, that's gotta be it. It's not that I'm concerned about someone I love was puking blood 10 days ago, or that her Son is extremely sick. It's not that I'm concerned about a relationship that is VERY important to me. It's not that I have a psycho assasinating my character and her's with no thought to sending her back to the hospital. Couldn't be that I have a bacteria consuming the flesh on my leg and I'm trying to figure how long I can carry on with it before I have to be hospitalized again. No, I just don't want to see that silver lining do I?

Eh, well I'm gonna text her now to see if she's awake. I'm dead on my feet anyway. Think I can sleep a few but I need to do this. Thank you all for listening to me and I'll check back in.