Ever since I've been in school, I wished I had white skin. It wasn't until I was 10 or 11 that I began acting on that wish. I started avoiding the sun and exfoliating my skin so I wouldn't tan. I'd wear sweatpants and hoodies during the summer, stay in the shade, and barely go outside. When I was 12, I started editing photos of myself so I'd look paler. And when I was 14, I tried to use sandpaper on my skin to make it lighter (like a stronger exfoliator).
Fast forward to today, I want to accept my natural skin colour. I keep saying I already have but I know that deep down, I still want to be pale. I think it's pretty deep-rooted due to bullying, racist jokes, lack of representation in the media, etc.
I'd like some advice on how I can embrace my skin colour even after a tan. Any ideas?
My profile picture is of me and as you can see, I currently look very pale. It'd make sense for that to make me happy but it doesn't. No matter how pale I become, it's not enough for me. I continue to avoid the sun as I did when I was younger. I don't think I've been in direct sunlight for months, and even then, it was only for a few minutes.