I’m spiraling. I really feel like a **** mom. My son has been unhappy all day, for a couple of weeks really, and I’m just wondering if he can sense my upset over the past month. And I hate how I deal with him. I’m so short tempered. He acts like he can’t hear me and it really grates on my nerves and I end up yelling to get his attention, or yelling at him after he does something and makes a mess when I specifically told him not to do that thing because I knew it would make a mess. There are other things but I can’t concentrate. Just trust me I’m ******. I know you’ll all say I’m not but you just don’t know.

I just never should have had a kid but I thought I was cured, I didn’t know bipolar would come back For me. I also didn’t know my stupid *** husband would develop a drug addiction (which was also my fault btw) and die, leaving me alone to deal with my son and my disorder.

I need help. I’m looking for a therapist for him that maybe can do family therapy too. I’m drowning. I’m also drowning in myself. I feel like it’s impossible to get stable. I can’t tell if it’s working AND meds, or just working. I successfully worked last school year, though it wasn’t all that successful since I got fired. I mean I didn’t have to take extended time off due to bp. I’m about to say **** it, **** the weight gain, **** the high prolactin, and just go back on invega. Not the shot though bc insurance won’t cover but the pills. I dunno if that will help. I don’t know what will help. I’m at a complete loss.



I’m at my breaking point and it’s only been a month since I started working again, and the worst part is I don’t think I could even consider looking for a new job at this point. I need to recover from whatever this is first. So how am I supposed to live???