franny!! welcome to PC...i am proud of you. i know that may not mean much, but i too left an abusive ex and that was the hardest thing in the world...an interim pastor at my church advised me to go back to him, but i held my ground...that is a HUGE accomplishment and one of these days you wake up and realize that what you did is going to shape who you become...you can go either way at the fork in the road...your next decision will be to come out of the shell you used to protect yourself and having a new start or to go the dark path till you are ready to see you are worth living for...and remember, you have friends the world over now!!!! now that's a LOT of support at your fingertips!!!! Hang in there!!!And you dnt have to try and do everything all at once, that is paralyzing...start small...you can do it!! huggles hun, melanie