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My dearest T,
You have changed too. When I confronted you during our most recent rupture, you were not defensive. You listened. You seemed pained. It has been two sessions since then and I can see the effort you are putting forth to do things differently. Thank you.
I now feel a calmness when I am away from you which I have never felt before.
Yet, sitting in front of you triggers me and it is not just because my perpetrator was a man. I am afraid I disgust you. I am ashamed of what I look like. So much shame that it is unbearable to look you in the eye. So afraid you will see everything.
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