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Originally Posted by eskielover
Try the meet-up groups in your area relating things that interest you. That way you start fresh with meeting new people.
I didn't do meet-up's in the new town I moved to but just getting involved & out in the community I met tons of people in many diffetent interests I have from horses & riding to Bible study to art & leading kid arts & crafts for special occasions. Work eith the floral decoration crew at the horse psrk for shows. I have met so many wonderful people just getting involved in our community. Have worked long hours with rescued horses during the abuse trial so I know many of the leaders in the community too. Also i stay in contact with a friend from my DBT group....oh yes, I love ballroom dancing & have met the most wonderful group of people doing that also. I had no idea this little community of 8000 had so many awesome people or opportunities until I just started doing things.
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Thank you so much eskielover for your wonderful suggestion. When I pick myself back up out of this hole I put myself in, due to the pain and agony I have been going through due to this whole situation, I will become more pro-active in my community. I am glad that you had such wonderful experiences connecting with people in your community. It gives me real hope that I will be able to connect in that way too.
This experience has taught me that I NEED actual real friendships in my life, not just digital ones online. That connection I felt, struck a chord in me. I got a taste of what it would be like to have a real life friend in my life again, and it stirred the feeling of bonding, and the feeling of a real sense of sisterhood in me, and I would love to start anew and find that in some more people in my community.
Thank you again for posting and following my story.
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Originally Posted by healingme4me
I know what you mean about that feeling, the flat feeling. New friendships are difficult to create. And old friendships, you at least know that there have been good time, good moments and shared memories. And here are 2 friends that could have been a given and the hope for a social life with them fell flat.
I've recently felt the flat feeling myself when an old friend moved within driving distance. I was looking forward to reconnecting. But was left feeling meh, when communicating privately, she went on and on about something in her life and I was supportive. Then when I shared a bit about what's going on with me, I was left with absolutely no response. Soooo, there goes that idea :\ you're not alone  |
Aw, healingme4me I am so sorry that you had that experience with an old friend recently. I will say that it hurts extra deeply when the conversation is "all about the other person" and when you voice your own story, POOF, they are gone. Honestly, that is totally selfish on her part, and I am sorry you had to go through that, and now feel the loss.
You know, it is more than feeling flat, I felt deep loss on a level I can't even explain because it has been a really painful 24 hours for me. But, thank you for posting here on this thread and showing me your support. I appreciate it very, very, much.
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Originally Posted by prefabsprout
It can be so dispiriting to have an experience like this when you put yourself out there. I hope this won't knock you down too long, maybe they will get in touch, and you can decide then if this is viable for you or maybe not. You definitely can make more friends that's for sure, you are warm intelligent and caring, those are all great traits future friends will appreciate.
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Thank you so, so much for your support, prefab! I know you follow along with me on PsychCentral and you have reached out to me and shared wonderful insights with me over the years. Trust me, I didn't forget, I actually smile to myself when I see you posting all those happy things in the "Coffehouse" section of General Social Chat.
It was a hard thing for me to deal with, and it hit me really hard, harder than I had expected, and if they reach out to me, I think it would take some serious thought on my part and a good conversation about their partners and how active they are in the friendships my friends keep. It is a discussion that must be had, because I am really disturbed by the fact that their partners interjected like this prefab, more than you know.
But thank you again, for you wonderful support, I genuinely appreciate it. Truly.
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Originally Posted by hvert
I also think it's weird. A few months ago, I had the new girlfriend of some guy I rarely talk to add me on FB. It felt awkward - if it was some jealousy thing on her part, I didn't want to *not* accept the request, you know? She'd added a ton of his friends, not just me. She must have realized how little I talk to him because she's defriended me already, lol.
The telephone call from Friend 1's boyfriend is even more bizarre - and her not responding to you after that, huh?? I can see why you'd be reluctant to pursue these friendships any further after that.
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I can totally relate to that awkward Facebook experience hvert! I mean like Friend 2's husband just flat out sent me a request AND an introduction message completely bypassing an introduction with Friend 2 at the helm. The whole thing has thrown me off, and honestly has deeply saddened me, especially now that Friend 1 has gone completely AWOL after I never responded to her boyfriend's call. Thank you for commenting and sharing your story with me about that awkward Facebook thing, its nice to hear that I am not alone in my discomfort of a situation like that. It really is.
I want to say, that everyone on this thread has been unbelievably and extremely helpful to me as I navigate my feelings and thoughts on how I am going to handle this situaion. I will admit to you all that I got hit really hard with this situation, like over the top anguish, loss and disappointment of what has transpired here. It may have been overkill due to the Seroquel I am on, or just being bipolar in general.
I have decided not to persue a friendship with either one of these women. I realize, I may doing myself an injustice because I shouldn't really blame my friends for their partner choices. But as a woman, I feel completely unsafe, scared and unbelievably uncomfortable about my both my friends' partners and I am going to remove myself from all of it, and all this drama.
I felt real anguish, like bawling my eyes out, complete insomnia, and total disregard for self-care during this time. My wonderful Mom checked up on me when she heard me completely breaking down and simply said, "Don't let other people get to you, try to move on if you can.' I explained to her its not the people perse that is causing my pain. It's the fact that for the first time, in a such a LONG time I had a real life in-person connection with a friend who also can totally relate to what its like to have a mental illness, but who just made me feel wonderful because I had that human bond again. I had been hiding behind the computer for too damn long, and when I realized that I lost the chance to have these real life in-person friendships, with TWO wonderful, amazing women from my past, my heart literally broke in two because I now know that REAL LIFE freindship is what I really need in my life, and REALLY truly want.
So, I am going to work on that, and I am going to move forward and go ahead with eskielover's plan when I feel better. I had dropped into a deep hole of depression and just what felt like absolute frustration and anger directed mostly at my friend's partners, and mostly at how this whole thing played out. The good news is, I pulled myself out, and dusted myself off, and began to find some peace. I had some help though, because as I was stirring in my emotional bipolar hell of utter anguish, I read a post in a friend's blog, and it was just the kick I needed in the right direction. Thank you all for your continued support, and I hope this little note of advice helps you all in some way, as it helped me. Like I always say, pay it forward!!
