Quote:
Originally Posted by Posey23
...After graduation I worked in retail and saved up my money so I could live anfvunteer in Lima, Peru for three months. Those were the happiest months of my life. I would still cry in the shower from time to time but I was so devoted to what I was doing.
...I pushed through the program in a year when it was recommended you do it in a year and a half to two years. I graduated with a 4.0 and worked when I wasn’t taking classes. During my internship I broke down literally everyday.
... I am so disappointed in myself that I couldn’t handle teaching and feel like SUCH a failure. I just want to sleep forever. I feel like I didn’t keep myself alive since I was 8 just so I could become this pathetic, blubbering mess that I am (can you sense the self hate?)
...I have a supportive, loving family and fiancée. I don’t think its acceptable that doing the bare minimum and just surviving is an accomplishment for me.
...Anybody hate themselves their whole lives and learn to love themselves? Anybody?
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may i offer a different perspective for you. you are younger than me and it pains me just to even look at your 'list'. i've never been outside the country; i was NOT able to finish college and highly doubt i ever will be able to; and i have no support system.
i've been in this struggle for as long as i can remember, and i can't even remember my youth! i gave up trying meds & t's & p-docs years ago. i don't have that fight left in me any more.
but part of me thinks everything i've been thru and holding it together all these years HAS to count for something, even if barely anyone knows it. cuz most in my shoes wouldn't have held on this long - so i was told! i'm not sure what for hope i have left, but something inside me won't let me give up.
so even if you don't understand, look at the little things in life and take the small joys! you are luckier than some others, even if it's hard to see! so hang in there
