Quote:
Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain
Seesaw;
I am so very sorry that you are feeling discouraged and low. I don’t have anything helpful to say as I am not even able to get out of my house, forget about driving more than 4 minutes.... I wish I could help but if i had anything profound to say, besides how sorry I am that you are going through this, I would.... but I have hit rock bottom myself.
May be this is mostly due to the fact that you have been working a lot and that you are not in your own surroundings? may be there were multiple things that were triggering you throughout your stay and being around people brought those up? Lets hope that this is the case for you and that you will feel better once you return to your own space.
Please don't be so discouraged by this incident. It may get better in time.
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Thanks, Fall. I think the whole visit has been exacerbating my depression. A lot of factors really...I know this sounds weird, but I've been kind of pushing us to eat out a lot, which causes me to eat not so healthy, because otherwise my parents just eat in front of the TV and we don't talk. So if we go out, then they will sit at the dinner table with me and actually talk. I know that has exacerbated it a bit. Also, it has rained quite a bit while up here and I had planned to go down to the greenway to walk every day but I haven't been able to because of scheduling or the weather. When I'm at home I hike 2 miles a day, but here I've had like no activity and it's definitely been wearing on me.
Last night I chatted with a nice member in chat and they were very supportive and helped me through it. I actually ended up riding my mom's broken stationary bike (you can still pedal just the thing doesn't actually turn on and give resistance) for 45 minutes and that sort of made me feel better.
I just hit a wall yesterday and all sorts of emotions were hitting me and I shut down. I know why it happened, I suppose I know in a simplistic way how to fix it. And I guess now I'm at a place where I can focus on that aspect of my life and change it.
The problem is that I want to be so active but I just get so exhausted. And it's not just a physical thing either. It's like I need a home base or something. This may be a bit of a hold over from my agoraphobia, which I thought was mostly gone...For example, when I go out to run errands at home, I will go out and run one or two, then I need to go home and be safe for a bit, then I can go out again. That's not really possible here because the house is up in the mountains and not accessible. It's 20 minutes up and 20 minutes down. So you have to run all your errands at once, even if takes 5 hours...and I just can't handle that. Too many triggers too many things happening. For me, home is like a decompression chamber, it takes away all those triggers, so I can calm down, then go back out.
I don't know, I need to figure out another strategy so I can deal with this. I have a huge business meeting in LA next week and I have to get through it. Can't fly 7 hours back home to rest every 5 hours, lolz.
Seesaw