Quote:
Originally Posted by starrysky
I think it's a really natural thing to feel like you are going to be forever alone after a breakup. Breakups are incredibly disappointing and sad (its like going through withdrawal). Don't believe your depression and despair though. You will find someone who is a good fit for you someday. I have read some of your posts and to me, it sounded like he was not a good guy (your ex). Also, I think its great that you are close with your family. It sounds like your mom cares about you, too. You honestly sound like you have a lot going for you: a part time job at a lawyers office, disability (stepping stone), intelligent, religious....if you want to meet college educated religious guys who treat you well, make that your standard and don't settle for less. Just because Mr. Right isn't knocking down your door right now, that doesn't mean you should get involved with Mr. Wrong right now. I think there are a lot of ways someone can make themselves more desirable, and to meet more people (and feel good in the process). I'm working on some of these myself: self esteem, becoming more involved in the community (taking classes, volunteering, joining a club, etc), taking care of mental health and presenting to the world in a clean and positive way. Don't let the breakup / despair thoughts get you down.
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This is very important sound advice, I urge you to acknowledge it. I know people say "you have to love yourself in order to love someone else," and although that is a very true statement, when you are stuck in a loop of denial and pining for someone, you don't see it, and see them as the "only" one that will ever love you.
I am no one to pass judgement, I was OBSESSED with a man for years that had NO intention of ever giving me any kind of love of support back. I went so far with my absolute obsession, that even after he changed his number and had a restraining order, I found myself writing countless letters to him hoping he would change his mind about things. So, yeah I know what it like to have this distorted view of someone and then take it to a whole other level.
All I am saying is, you have to really re-define what happiness means for you. Being in a relationship is wonderful, but being one does not equal self-love and instant happiness. And if you can find that happiness within yourself, you will be surprised how much of a magnet that is for the one you are truly looking for,