This is my exact same story with the woman in my life. After hundreds of hours of researching I traced the problem back to MY childhood. My father never “acknowledgingly(sp) loved me”. So I grew up with a false sense of love. I truly don’t know what true love feels like in a spouse, yet. In the past as an adult, I would meet a normal woman and think she doesn’t seem into me, when in reality the “normal” signs may all be there I just didn’t feel them because I lacked them as a child. I have begun rebuilding myself as my parents should have built me as a child, and I as a 31 year old male have now been feeling so much better. I found a great psychologist who has a rebuilding plan and I advance so much after each meeting. It’s a wonderful feeling. I can see and feel the happiness, and I am going through divorce right now as I was married to a toxic person. Get this, I married my “dad” in the form of a beautiful woman. My father and my “ex”-wife are nearly the same person, and my ex wife just picked up where the abuse from my father left off.

Thinking back on my entire relationship with my wife, there were so many red flags a normal man would have seen and not put up with, but since I was conditioned as a child that this bad behavior was ok, I put up with it, married it, and had my own child with it. Now I have recognized it and will be ensuring my daughter will not grow up in the same household that I did. My daughter is already so much happier it’s so good (as am I).

I am so proud of you for recognizing this. It’s extremely difficult to get through and over, but happiness is waiting on the other side and it’s so damn well worth the pain, trust me.

The thing about this type of change is you can’t force it. You don’t ask for it. You are not in control of it. You only can control so much. Control your environment and make it as positive as you can. Limit communication with your ex as you have said your better off without him, or end it if you can. It will be extremely challenging but you can do it. Identify the toxic people in your life and do what’s in your best interest. My ex tried everything in the book, mail, email, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, work, everything. I never responded once; thank goodness. The only thing she didn’t do was communicate with me one on one. She never said I want you back, or can we work this out; yet tried every other method to harm me or get me back. It’s extremely strange and hurtful to me but if you can weather that storm without reacting it will stop because they don’t get the response they think they need/deserve. If I had responded in any way she would have felt that fulfilling acknowledgement and kept doing it.