On using infantilizing and phony compliments as a way to keep us subordinate, reminding us that in their eyes we are always going to be children, never competent adults who are equal to them:

Every once in a while, Facebook reminds me of little reasons why I went no contact. In a picture from a few years ago, when I was still connected to my mother, I'm holding a new kitten my husband got me for my birthday. There is nobody else, human or feline, in the picture. My mother commented, "Two sweet kittens... cute."

It was my 46th birthday. I was hardly a "kitten."

This is the same mother who still refers to me as a "girl" rather than a woman, and uses words like "little" when I'm not that either. If asked, she would probably say she is complimenting me by saying I'm as cute as the kitten. I've got such a negative attitude. Why can't I see the good in the world, rather than taking everything as an insult?

Um, no. Just no.

The bigger picture is, if I hadn't gone no contact, she would still consider herself the supervisor of my life. She would criticize every decision and worry about whether I'm going to be able to handle even the most basic life skills. When I still had contact with her, she respected no boundaries. Even if I was asleep, she would keep knocking and calling until I woke up and answered, because she was "worried" about me. She rearranged my furniture and cabinets without my permission, because I'm too stupid to know where things are supposed to go in my own house. She inspected how I was dressed before I went out, making sure it was appropriate and looked good. No joke, she would still want to hold my hand when we're crossing the street. Am I going to dart away from her into traffic, like a toddler? Again, I was in my 40's when I finally stopped contact. She didn't do this with any of my siblings, by the way, and I'm the oldest.

So yes, put the baby talk in context, and she absolutely does not mean it as a compliment.

Oh, and challenge her on calling me "little," and she'll answer by sarcastically switching to "big" in a way that implies I'm fat. I am overweight, but still...