I understand what you're going through. I felt the same, pulled in two directions emotionally, when I was laid off. On one hand, I was upset about being laid off and deemed unnecessary. I liked my job and wanted to continue, despite the challenges. On the other hand, it was a relief to not have to deal with those challenges anymore, which included a boss who did not want to listen to me and people who were making huge mistakes and no one taking heed of my advice about how to avoid said mistakes. It was rough for a long time but I did manage to crawl out of it.

Even to this day I'm still ambivalent about it. I still wish I had my job some days because I miss it. Then I also remember how horrible it was to work with those people and, at this point, because of all the hard work and rebuilding I've done (NOT because of anything they did for me-I want to be clear that being laid off was NOT a blessing and it was NOT a good thing in the end) how much better my life is now - again because of the rebuilding and hard work that I put into it.

You will recover, I am sure. You are a hard worker, smart, and savvy. You may need to reposition yourself in the workplace. That's what I did and it helped me immensely. It can really drain on your self-confidence to get laid off. So try and stay strong in your self-esteem and self-image.

I'm rooting for you.

Seesaw