Write out those 10 million pages anyway, to put them out there, as if you were writing to your therapist. Write them anyway.

I'm going a little crazy myself today. I've been contemplating whether or not I really need meds. I'm sick of taking them all day. Sick of looking at them, sick of playing the game at the pharmacy every month. Sick of seeing a doctor every month or less. I've already decided by noon that I'm just not going to be bipolar anymore.

It's so hard to do anything and concentrate on anything without sleep.
I don't think you're going to give up. The fact that you have your middle finger up in defiance of what you're going through, says FFUUCK you, I'm a fighter.

What you're going through is hard, so hard. Please hang in there and do your best. Be nice to yourself