Okay I am going to attempt to do this, and try to answer everyone who posted because I am nearing the finish line soon...(not anything drastic, just complete exhaustion finally, my body is just is yelling at me to STOP NOW YOU CRAZY WOMAN!!!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leia78
Write out those 10 million pages anyway, to put them out there, as if you were writing to your therapist. Write them anyway.
I'm going a little crazy myself today. I've been contemplating whether or not I really need meds. I'm sick of taking them all day. Sick of looking at them, sick of playing the game at the pharmacy every month. Sick of seeing a doctor every month or less. I've already decided by noon that I'm just not going to be bipolar anymore.
It's so hard to do anything and concentrate on anything without sleep.
I don't think you're going to give up. The fact that you have your middle finger up in defiance of what you're going through, says FFUUCK you, I'm a fighter.
What you're going through is hard, so hard. Please hang in there and do your best. Be nice to yourself  |
Aww, Leia78 you are such a jewel you know? You just shine and shine, and you know, as much as you want to throw in the towel as much as I did, we both know what the right thing to do is. Deep down, even in our complete surrender, that pesky thing called a "human spirit' just flat ignores all that garbage of negativity that we try to destroy it with. I wish you all the best, keep on fighting the good fight. You know, I wrote that letter, and I don't even know how many pages, but I am going to bring it with me to therapy tomorrow and say, "Here! This is what your advice got me!!" Haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
I'd skimmed the forum, saw your post and had to sign in to reply.
Please stay safe. You have many people here who love you, myself included.
I agree with the posters above.
I'd suggest, as Leia did, that you write anyway, even though your T is not available today. 
Please do stay in touch!
We are here for you! 
WC |
Awww WC you are the best!! I know you care, everyone on PC cares so much and I deeply appreciate it. I am hanging in there, the worst is over, I got it all out, and I am holding it together so I can have a long night's sleep tonight. Thanks for reaching out!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fharraige
I'd write that 10-page email, print it out and take it with you to T. In fact, I would write everything you feel out--no corrections, all cuss words, whatever--until you get it out of your system. Even if it ends up a thousand pages of nothing but stream of consciousness phrases and exclamation marks, at least it's out of your head. (A lesson I learned from another writer.) I find when I do that I'm exhausted but calmer.
I also don't go out and see, or make new, friends IRL. I have started venturing out into other online writing groups through WordPress. I feel good about that.
Hope you can still see T.
Big hugs.
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(((Fharriage)))) you know I totally wrote out that letter, just like everyone suggested, and boy, was it a doozy!! I really hope my therapist doesn't make me read it to him, or maybe I do, I don't know, (I kinda blamed a lot of stuff on him, bad me I know). But yes, lots of cusses and lots of exclamation points!!!! Haha. But you're right, I totally exhausted myself and now I am calmer.
You know what's funny? I was PERFECTLY fine in my little online bubble, yeah I had some issues, you know with my mom and all that plus the sleeping thing. BUT my mom asked me this afternoon, "Why did you get so devestated, how will you handle it when me and your dad leave you?" Like ouch mom, really? But you know, she totally has a point. How AM I gonna handle grief and loss, if I do this over two friends I haven't even seen in years? Geez Louise Ms. Lady Shadow. I know I shouldn't think about it now, but people have faced such tragedy in their lives, (especially those poor families from Parkland), and this just feels like real small potatoes. I know I shouldn't compare situations, because you know everyone handles things differently, but still! I have GOT to really get a handle on things, and learn how to properly manage these sudden changes or events.
Phew! I do love PsychCentral though and the wonderful people here. Here's to beating this bipolar shyt!!
