Called doc’s office but as I figured there are no openings for tomorrow. I am on the cancellation list, but I don’t hold out hope. I do see my therapist tomorrow though. I am going to see if she will write me out for Thursday and Friday. I would take Wednesday too but my co teacher is being observed and I don’t want to ruin it for her.

Everything feels...unreal. I feel disconnected. Like I’m watching my life from afar. Like I’ve pushed myself so far my brain has snapped. Shut down. I am being productive but it is methodical. And I also feel like I could methodically harm myself. It’s bizarre and unsettling, especially since it is so eerily familiar to what happened four years ago, when I ended up crying in the bathroom of my php program because I thought everyone could read my mind. Yeah. That’s why I’m so upset.

I hope I can make it. I hope no suicidal thoughts show up.