Maybe I worded it to minimize my thoughts but I can’t really remember exactly what I said. I think I said it pretty directly that I was suicidal and really struggling, but maybe my expressions made it seem less severe. She doesn’t offer out of session contact so she couldn’t assume that I would contact her if it went downhill.
I guess maybe I saw the session as my own cry for help between being suicidal and wanting to survive, and now I feel worse that she didn’t seem interested or concerned.