Some people (in my life) really don't seem to care, and it is disturbing to me and I feel hurt tonight.

I go through periods and cycles, where I really enjoy being solitary, and then I really need others around. I am just getting out of a short period of enjoying being solitary (about a week, maybe two), and coming back to civilization.

That being said, I really wonder.......if the whole "fill up your own cup before you fill up others" is a really really accurate thing. Especially in my case. I reached out to a friend tonight. She is a friend. And I love her dearly and she is a very nice person. But she is also an incredibly busy person and I would say we are not that close. But I thought she cared about me. She is the facilitator at the meditation group I go to. Anyway....I sent her this message through messenger on Facebook tonight saying that I just wanted to check in and say hello (I haven't been at meditation lately. Been sleeping in the past few weeks). I said I missed her and I hoped she was doing well. Etc etc etc.

She never replied back though she saw the message.

Ahhh! That really hurts. I wish I had more friends. I wish I was a busier person so that I didn't think about **** like this. Though its a natural thing to feel hurt about.

What prompted me to message her was a book I was reading on kindness and "filling up other peoples buckets." ****ing ********. I see that now. People want to treat me like ****. She doesn't need her bucket filled anyways. I do.

Another thing was that I have been in contact with someone from OkCupid. We were planning to get together today but I hadn't heard from him all weekend. I figured he wasn't interested anymore. Then he messages me later today just asking me how my Monday is going, and I can't even read it because my ****ing phone is so old, and he can't muster up the balls to call or something I don't know. What bothers me is that I was understanding about his situation. I saw *some* of his texts. And I said we could meet another day, it's ok. And I haven't heard back from him. That was at like, 5:30 today. Maybe he's a cat fish. Or just not interested anymore. Whatever. I'm not going to message him anything anymore. And if I get one more message from him I can't read. I'm gonna be like "**** it" and just be like, goodbye (already offered to talk on phone or do email). I've told him a million ****ing times that I can't read his texts when he puts emojis in. I know I need a new phone.

Regardless: gonna self care the **** out of my life now. Ttyl.