Hi guys just wanted to get back on an update... I don't know what's been going on with me lately. My mind has been racing again. It's the 26th, almost the 27th US time. I don't know if I'm going through allot of stress or anxiety. I've been completely drained. Up all night again till 5am. It's really a mess. I try and try to fall asleep. I have intake for a new therapist tomorrow too at 11:30am. I don't know what to do. I am taking my dekepote as prescribed too. I feel like I got some energy so I don't know if it's from the mania or not. Don't know how long Hypomania lasts.

Doctor told me it should last for week for a few days. It has not. It's making me feel really frustrated. And at night I feel really anxious. Too afraid to fall asleep, etc. At this point I am really afraid that I will be locked up in the psychward. Because he wants to do a check up on me. And people like me don't have the correct insurance to see a good psychiatrist. I am on traditional medicaid so it sucks. How ever I'm seeing pretty good people who support and treat people with bipolar. I don't know what's going through my head right now either.

I haven't slept healthy for awhile. I want to go to sleep but I can't. I feel like my mind is playing tricks on me with the noises still too. My mind feels like its on autopilot. I've been doing guided meditations on YouTube. I feel a bunch of tension in my shoulders and my neck and my temples. I feel high amounts of anxiety too. Sometimes when I hear my thoughts they are inside my head. I don't literally hear voices though. But I'm trying to convince I am but I am not. Just rapid thinking going on from what my doctor told me today.

So I don't know what to do to chill my brain out. And my nerves. I think might know the cause of my mania and what caused me to be like this. But I don't know if I can fight it off and tell it to back off. I'm getting headaches and it sucks. Like for example. Last night when I tried to fall asleep. I almost nodded out. Heard a girl giggling as I woke up from a guided meditation. Never had that happened before. So scared the crap outta me. "Sorry for language" I'm not sure if I was passing through sleep paralysis or if its just auditory hallucinations. But this stuff only happens at night. I don't get them that much though.

I don't know what the difference is between Bipolar Effective Disorder and Bipolar I and II. I have a friend who hears voices all the time and he says its just my anxiety messing with me pretty bad and playing tricks on me. I am to the point where I am too afraid to fall asleep. I am too scared to take sleeping aids too. From me being depressed I am afraid it might actually kill me. I am also scared that my doctor might have me hospitalized too. I just feel like my mind is spiraling out of control from worrying and having anxiety for too long. I feel like my life is ruined since poor people like me can't get any help I need. I also tried using EFT "Emotional Freedom Technique" I don't think that helped either. And if I do sleep at a normal time. I wake up at 2pm if I go to sleep at 10:30pm or 11:40pm. I NEVER had this problem before with mania when I got off my medicine. Could I still be experiencing withdraw symptoms?

All this started was my doctor made me get off the medicine for the rash medicine. And it would affect my liver if I took both. But when I got on the other medicine I felt like I was having signs of depression for being off the meds. So I don't know what the heck is going on with me. I'm afraid that I will be a danger to my self or my family. But I am not. I know I'm not crazy. I'm just scared. I am sorry for making this long post. You can't believe how many medicines my doctor has prescribed to me to treat my Bipolar.

I've been on Zoloft, Seroquel, Abilify, Paxil, Respridone, "Had allergic reaction to Paxil and Zoloft" etc. Almost allot of them. None of them helped. Does anyone know of a medication that might be beneficial for me so I can get my life on track again? Sorry guys. I just feel like a mess. And when I hear my thoughts, I think they are voices trying to talk to me but they do not literally sound like voices. They just sound like inner thoughts. So I hope I'm still sane. Sorry if I sound like I'm worrying. Because I've been told by my mom, dad, grandma, uncle, etc that I worry WAAAY too much. Could worrying be the cause of my problems? Sorry again. And I don't have delusions either. Haven't experienced them, but when I do fall back to sleep, I feel like I am going back into a dream pretty quick and it looks pretty vivid. Thanks in advice. And I have also been havinf Tinnitus in my right ear. Almost sounds like a radio,hissing noise that's been bothering me for awhile. Not sure if my problems are related to that or not Thanks. xD ^_^ My parents are starting to worry about me. So sorry guys. Also do you guys think I'm reading too much into it and making me feel worse than I already am? Thank you.