Good heavens don’t apologize to us! Look, these things are intricately complicated and the escape plan can take a while to figure out and even longer to put in place and carry out. One of the big sticking points for me was the home—the giant marital asset in which we had sunk any money we had left: the giant dark pit of debt and mortgage... yadda yadda... and the legal tangle.

I also worried a lot about the back and forth craziness: one week I couldn’t stand another second of hellacious behavior and I would start thinking about what to pack. Nnext week my wife would try very hard to look like she was apologizing and I’d feel bad and maybe hopeful and also exhausted by the uphill struggle, and sort of slide back. And then all the friends and colleagues who were so supportive of my escape plan the week before would listen politely...okay, perhaps with some irritation... as I tried to explain we were going to coupls therapy and we’d try and work it out. And my poor younger daughter would just shake her head and go quiet. And I would start the internal countdown to the next blowup—we made it 18 days once. So yeah... back and forth: it’s hardest on you and your child and everyone else will understand. A big change like that just takes patience, lots and lots and lots of patience. And keep your eyes on the prize.