I am so very sorry Echoes you're going through rough times. I too am middle-aged & I understand your statements "when does this go away" and "I'm so sick of it all". I hear you. There is a lot of wonderful news!! #1. Even though it may not feel like it, the depression is Temporary, it will pass, repeat often.
#2. Therapists can help you with new ways of thinking
(Cog. Beh.Th.,/ Dial, Beh. Th.)& coping skills that may make a difference in your moods & your Life. and Third, speak to a therapist regularly to help you with the rage you are feeling. You may have talked this through in the past with many other Ts, but each T has different styles, approaches and techniques. You may find one that will help you where you are right now. It's an adventure! Let us know how you are doing! mlphomes