September,
The one thing that stuck out for me is:
"She died not knowing me. "
She didnt' know you and you have seen in your life that you have learned she was wrong. It wasn't your choice that she didn't know you. I am sure like most children, you wanted the uncondistional love and support that a mother is "supposed" to give. Your mother wasn't able to give that but that is a reflection on her mistakes not yours.
Those positive things people say about you....I bet they are true. Like you said "Too many people are too self-involved to be willing to give" So if they give a little by telling you somethiing good about yourself than it's most likely true. I bet you can look at yourself and find many wonderfuo qualities if you allow yourself to see and believe it.
I have wished 1000 times that my mother knew the real me. She never will because she doesn't want to. That is her choice, not mine. In the end, it's her loss and her mistake.

Sorry to interupt this cnversation between you and somewhere. I felt such warmth and caring when I read it. I have great respect for what somewhere says and also you. I look forward to reading the dialog between you two!
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley