After 55 years on and off, and 19 years almost continuously of therapy, I think I've definitely given it a fair chance.

It hurt more than helped, at least after my late husband developed a terminal illness 21 years ago.

Lots of "issues" I went into therapy with when he got diagnosed -- primarily that I didn't have a clear sense of who I was, apart from my late husband. And that, seems like, was an issue from earlier in my life.

It showed up throughout my adulthood in problems I had at work -- for instance, if I was supposed to do something I didn't think was "right", I couldn't do it, even if it was just a matter of technique, and I would eventually quit -- whether I had another job yet or not. My sense of identity seemed to be bound up both with the job and with doing the "right" thing and if there was a conflict -- it was intolerable. I say that now, in hindsight, but I wasn't always very clear about it at the time.

I get it now that therapy doesn't know what to do about problems like these. But it wasn't at all clear 21 years ago what the underlying problems and issues WERE. Unfortunately, uncovering them all just left a mess -- not a functional, whole person.

I now feel like a failure at life, a failure as a person. To the extent that therapy contributed to that situation -- and it did -- it failed me. Not the other way around. I have plenty of failures of my own -- but not that one.