What happened when you were 4?
I understand about not having a clue how it would be without all the symptoms you have now since you're so use to living with them. I wondered that in my 20's about myself. But it doesn't "suddenly" change so you're a whole different person, it's a process, getting help. It took me more than 25 years of living and working in therapy to get my anxiety and other problems in control so I could enjoy life. I recommend therapy highly.