Perna,
Thank you for taking the time with your insight & own experiences. You are so right, he is hearing the same thing & just doesn't hear it. He knows what I am talking about because I have gone into detail so that there wouldn't be any misunderstandings.....then he comes up with this "I don't care any more".....like he ever cared....if he had cared about anything except for himself, we wouldn't be where we are today.

Your husband sounds so practical....such a perfect person to share your future with & work as a team....that's what it's all about.....that was what I expected in the marriage, but knew that unless he grew up in the first place that would be hopeless. I was always had the mind for the accounting & budgeting....sadly, I gave that up at the beginning to save on the fighting. He got us into such a financial mess, I took it over right before we got into our second house. It was amazing....within one year, I had us all back & functioning again. Unfortunately, when I lost my career, the anxiety & depression took over so bad that he ended up taking the finances over again & we should have ended up bankrupt, but most of the debt we just walked away from...only a couple put small leins on the house. He just can't handle finances....he can't do business on the phone. He doesn't know how to talk to people. They have no idea what in the world he is talking about when I finally get on the phone to straighten things out. It is a very pathetic relationship.

Oh yes, what ever it was that he thought he had, he doesn't have anymore. He is a very unhappy person...always negative. Everything has deserted him....even his parents which is very sad. I don't exactly know the whole story....just something my best friends heard at my Mothers funeral 3 years ago.....something about leaving him alone until he figures himself out or something like that. He is going to end up all alone & will be much better off. that way....that way he can be miserable & not hurt anyone around him. It is rather sad, but there is really nothing I can do about it & feeling sorry for him only feeds his pitty party. From the beginning, I could talk to him & he wouldn't even hear me (there was nothing wrong with his hearing either). He has always been in his own little world.

I am glad that you got out of that charming life style......depending on ones own abilities is so much more rewarding. I never had charm, or looks.....all I ever had was smarts & the ability to think through things most of the time....except when I let my self get really messed up with the depression & anxiety & then the trauma I went through when the ID theft & abuse of my Mother when she was dying. I fight to keep my head thinking straight most of the time now, but it pays off in the end.

CedarS,
Thank you for your supportive words....they are very appreciated. It's nice to realize that others don't think that I'm being too critical.....it helps validate my real feelings that I'm not really too critical.

Sunrise,
Wow, my words exactly...."it so great not to have him around.....I just feel so much better on my own"

My psychologist just kind of goes along with how I am feeling at the time.....sadly, we have only had phone conversations for so long......when I was back in Ca, he was in Isreal visiting family, so it's very hard to communicate about all this over the phone. I am going to a new therapist tomorrow here in KY, so it will be interesting to see where he is coming from & if he is a better help than my Ca psychologist. You are right....I haven't come to a definite conclusion. But I know what my conclusion has to be & that is to leave....it just seems that nothing else will work. The concept of uncoupling sounds like exactly what I am in need of. That seems to be what I am struggling with the most is giving up. I love being here in KY without him....I have never been happier, so that should tell me something that I should be listening to.

Thank you very much for pointing me to seeing a CDFA & also for providing the link. I definitely be looking into it. We are selling the house in Ca & splitting up that money.....at least he will have a little to live on....that was what he was holding over my head...telling me how much better off I woud be financially with his & my disability put together. I informed him that I would rather be poor & happy than be tied to him.....again, he was trying to buy me off just like all the times before. It seemed that every time I was ready to leave, he would get the idea to buy something new....a car, go on a nice vacation.....something to get my mind off of leaving. Luckily this time, I am already out of the house & in my own home, so the split is much easier....just getting rid to what we own together is the problem.

Just a note.....I stopped all phone conversation with him....emailed him telling him I wouldn't answer his calls or his voice mails because I was tired of playing his game. He would trap me into doing something that made me angry like not answering my questions & then he would get mad because I would yell....as if after 32 years, he didn't know that was going to be my response.....ya think???? So if I refuse to talk to him & only communicate through emails, he can't play his game anymore.

He is coming back to take some of the dogs back to CA with him so that I can finally have enough time to work on the house like was supposed to happen when he was taking care of the dogs here, but that didn't work out the way it was supposed to.....with all the fighting. I refused to allow the fighting here & kicked him out.

Thank you all for your responses & support.....it really helps to hear other opinions, thoughts, & experiences of you all,
Debbie