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Old Feb 27, 2018, 06:50 AM
Anonymous57777
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eleny View Post
I have a friendship that seems to be developing into more, he has severe depression and somehow I’ve taken it all on as my responsibility and I don’t know how to let go or if I even can. We message all day long and on the phone we sometimes talk for 4 hours. There are no healthy boundaries. I am absolutely exhausted by the responsibility I feel. He is suicidal and I’m afraid to detach because he doesn’t really have anyone else. It’s very much a toxic and codependent relationship and I just don’t see a way out. I love him but I feel completely burnt out and I think he has beccome very dependent on me. I am moving to a different city soon but even then I don’t know if I can detach because I’m so scared of leaving him alone, plus I have strong feelings for him. I’d really appreciate some advice.
Four hours on the phone is not reasonable. Determine for yourself what is reasonable. It it is 30 minutes or if you have something important that must be done in your life, tell him that you must get off the phone. I don't recommend going deeply into explaining why you must cut the conversation short. After a brief explanation say I am sorry, I have to go. Don't pick up the phone if he is calling multiple times a day. If you are talking to him once a day--that is a lot of support. If he needs more support than that, he should turn to other friends, therapy or other outlets besides you. It may not be in your nature to turn someone away that needs help but your relationship doesn't have to be toxic if you strengthen your boundaries. Make this relationship what you want it to be. If he doesn't accept it, you are better off without him. You cannot fix his suicidal feelings (but when you say, I have to go, say it kindly and firmly)--only he can fix himself.