Sure, people change slowly, gradually, constantly as you point out. I used to hate tomatoes, now I will eat one for example. But, I think, the essence of our personalities are formed within us and really don’t change.

In my marriage, it was the stress of his job that caused him to withdraw, the anxiety he must have had which he kept to himself regarding me and having a baby, that he took out on me by withdrawing from initiating love making.

Then, his neglect led to my insecurity and frustration. Having to share my sexuality with my mate who hindered it was something too disappointing and difficult to deal with. From there grew my tantrums after years of that struggle didn’t improve.

Other than that, we led a very functional life together. We played traditional roles; he the bread winner, me the wife and mother. I made dinners, holidays, plans, was our ‘social director’. We trusted each other with everything and did not do anything bad to the other.

So, both of us had character from the start, all the way to the end, and beyond, I hope.

When relationships are going well, we don’t feel like we are putting in a lot of effort. They are easy, and they just work.

For you to take a gf, who has shown you she has bad character, and think you can work through that to get her back to the beginning where “she seemed” to be giving you the same effort you were giving her, is not going to work because she has bad character. Maybe you were motivated by loving her, and she was motivated by loving what you do for her!