Thanks, but I do not think I can find such a person. Perhaps it's the well of anger and resentment toward them at this point -- it's like none of them can tolerate it, and although I can "turn it off" -- really, I can -- what's the point of that? If I were to talk to a therapist about my week, what went wrong, what went right, in that state, it would be just "people-pleasing" and would not include the "influence" of the cut-off parts on any negative thinking. I would not be being a whole, integrated person, parts of me would not be there in the interaction.

I also disagree with the implication of your last 3 statements, and specifically I disagree with the last: "They can not make you happy or enjoy life. Non of them can. That is all on you."

On which "parts" of me is it on? No one in the world can tolerate me or, alternatively, has been able to help me better integrate and express that wholeness. That WAS on therapy, and the therapists. It's part of their schtick, part of the carrot they hold out, part of what was stated in a recent link and thread about what therapy is for.

Despite many attempts, the therapists I tried and hence, to me, the profession as a whole and the way they just dump clients they don't know what to do with -- failed me. They did. It is possible there might be some people in the profession I might be able to trust personally, but because they are a part of a profession that has hurt me so badly and is unwilling to accept and recognize that and do something about it -- it is much better and more realistic for me, personally, to lump them into an "all-bad" lump.

That feels, and seems, reasonable to me. I do understand, logically, that's probably not the state of the world about therapists. I was able to use logic, etc., to get me into therapy in the first place, so that's not a problem for me. Perhaps it's related to the fact that I can (and usually did) cut off the part of me which responds to others as "all-bad". Logic, and kindness, and all kinds of "wonderful" attitudes I could bring to bear would say to that part "you're wrong."

But no -- to the extent that therapists can't accept that part, they can't accept me. And they failed, in what they promised, at least as I understood it. And so, now, I listen to that part of me. She's primitive, and can get me in trouble, but essentially she DOES always have MY back, even if her "energy" feels unsafe to other people.

I don't get a lot of feedback of the sort you described here on PC. It would be great if some people could, and felt comfortable saying, what rubbed them the wrong way about me, but at least I am able to vent and to speak my mind. That IS on me. That has helped. And I'm very grateful to you and other people in this forum, and the opportunity to exchange views.